*Creative title here*

“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”

-Michael Cain

That would be me right now.  Currently feeling so stressed that it’s not even funny.  I suppose with all of the ups I had it was only a matter of time before I reached a low.  I’m usually pretty good at handling pressure, but I’m precariously close to discovering my limits.  I’m edging closer and closer to my breaking points emotionally, physically, and mentally.  It’s kind of scary.  Ever since the weekend, my body seems to be slowly giving up on me.  Even the people around me are starting to notice.  

First off, I’ve been stressing over school.  I had a midterm today, and I have another one coming up on Monday.  Yeah, a midterm on week 9.  Who does that?  Either way, I’m actually pretty worried.  Organic chemistry is no fun, and I think I got screwed over pretty badly last quarter by having a professor that didn’t really teach much along the lines of synthesis.  Now I have a professor that focuses mainly on synthesis.  Fantastic.  It’s weird, I’m usually a last-minute crammer, and earlier today I told a friend that I was studying for my Monday exam, and he was like “that’s like 5 days from now.”  I’m kind of already in panic mode, which I usually reserve for the six hours prior to taking the exam.  Living at home, I’m constantly reminded of how I need to do well in school.  No pressure.  That’s just me ranting though, pay no attention.

Onto the bigger part.  My back has been causing me a lot of pain for the past few days.  About a month ago, my back was starting to hurt.  I’d never really experienced any back pain before, and I kind of thought that I had just slept on it weird, or I pulled it working out.  I figured it would fade in a few days, and it did.  The pain wasn’t bad enough to warrant seeing a doctor.  I hate going to the doctor.  Whether or not that’s related to the pain’s I’m feeling now, I can’t really tell.  All I know is that since the weekend, my back pains have been growing worse with each passing day.  I’ve always had a pretty high tolerance for pain, but this is just getting unbearable.  I actually made an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow.  That’s a pretty big deal for me, because I didn’t even want to see a doctor when I had a huge burn on my shin.  I’m pretty sure something’s wrong with my back.  It feels like the weight of my entire body is crushing inwards into my spinal column.  At first it was just around the shoulder blades.  Then it spread to the middle of my back, and now it’s spread to my lower back.  I can’t sit for too long, or stand for too long.  I’m finding myself constantly readjusting my body weight so that the pain doesn’t build up in the same spot.  Jeffin noticed today that I was in a lot of pain, and I was actually trying pretty hard not to show it.  I’m just hoping that this is something that can be fixed with some chiropractic help.  That would be the best case scenario, but somehow, I don’t think I’ll be that lucky this time.

My back pain is making me irascible.  Yesterday, I lashed out, twice.  It was completely unintentional and uncharacteristic of me, but a lot of pettifogging ensued that resulted in two arguments.  It’s hard to go to bed upset, let alone upset and in pain.  Physical and emotional turmoil are like oil and water.  They just don’t mix well at all.  So yeah, I didn’t sleep at all last night, and the night before that I got a measly five hours.  Exhaustion is definitely not helping me deal with my back pain.  Being in an argument is just adding more stress that I didn’t exactly need.  I can’t think straight or focus.  I took my midterm today feeling like shit, for lack of a better word.  Lethargy really puts a damper on efficacy, especially during an exam.  

I think I’m starting to buckle under the pressure.  Someone asked earlier if I was okay, I think a part of me was ready to break down, or roll over and die.  One of the two.  I need a hug.  Or some ice cream.  Or maybe both.  My back’s killing me.  I’m irritable.  I feel even more scatterbrained than normal because I can’t even think straight.  Fantastic.  Oh yeah, and finals are coming up soon too.  I don’t even have the heart right now to say “come at me, bro.”  Oh well.  I think I just needed to vent, and this post served as my outlet for doing so.  And now, I’ll be off to drown my misery with some TV shows.  

So spring break is way too short.  One week is not long at all.  Especially when you sleep in until like 11 or 12 every day.  I didn’t go out that much this break either.  Being a sloth can be fun.  Time that you enjoyed wasting was not time wasted.  Especially when you spend that time playing Xbox and PSP with other people.  Declan, next time you come over and we play MVC3, you’re not using simple mode.  It’s rigged.  But it’s okay, my black onion knight beats yours.  Also, teach me how to cook more things.  Anyways, I still think we need at least three weeks off.  Winter break and spring break should be treated with parity.  

I figure this is a good time to make a post.  It’s been quite some time.  So, winter quarter was interesting, to say the least.  I don’t have to take chemistry labs anymore, thank god.  I’m not going to miss sitting around for four hours watching a stir bar spin around while waiting for a tube of liquid to change colors.  If I wanted to watch something like that, I’d toss some colors in with the whites and watch my washing machine for god’s sake.  But I guess the good thing about lab was that I made a new friend.  He’s awesome.  Jeffin if you read this, you’re the man.  Thanks for all of your help this quarter.  Your austere composure and no-nonsense attitude kept all of us on point.  And I’m sure trying to teach me must have been rather strenuous and frustrating at some points.  I brought you soda though.  :]

Anyways.  Somehow, the overly sarcastic guy who indiscriminately makes fun of everyone ended up in a relationship.  How did this happen?  I don’t even know.  Actually I do know, but that’s not for everyone to read.  What’s funny though, is how I’ve come to eat my words.  Everyone who’s been around me long enough knows how I was always perfectly happy being single, and that I had absolutely no intention of being in a relationship this early.  I always talked about how I saw no need to be in a relationship and what not.  Yeah, all of that went out the window with Annie.  Too good to pass up.  Looking back, the nascent stages were definitely rough, to say the least.  I messed up a few times.  Stuff from the past resurfacing.  Superfluous arguments.  The past three or so months have been an amalgamation of emotions.  I’ve been sad, and I’ve gotten mad, emotions that I don’t feel regularly.  

I’ve also been extremely happy.  There are a lot more ups than downs.  This whole relationship thing, though fortuitous, is probably one of the best things that’s happened to me yet.  Seriously.  For the first time in awhile, I’m perfectly content with my life.  :]]

Well that’s about it for my winter quarter rant.  Not that anyone even bothers to read all of the way through.  I’ll probably end up making this post private later on like I do with most of my other posts.  

Oh so the title.  I had forgotten that “Good Will Hunting” is such a damn good movie.  I saw that it was on Encore today and I was like “oh awesome, I’ll just DVR this shit and watch it tomorrow.”  Then I started watching it and I couldn’t stop.  Great movie.  Here’s my favorite quote from the movie, which seems like an appropriate way to wrap up this post.  It’s from when Matt Damon’s character is talking to Robin Williams’s character about how he’s afraid to commit because he thinks he’ll find some sort of flaw in the girl he likes:

“You’re not perfect sport. And let me save you the suspense this girl you met, she’s isn’t perfect either, but the question is, whether or not you’re perfect for each other. That’s the whole deal. That’s what intimacy is all about. Now you can know everything in the world sport, but the only way you’re finding that one out is by giving it a shot.”

I was shooting a scene in my new film, No Strings Attached, in which I say to Natalie Portman, “If you miss me … you can’t text, you can’t e-mail, you can’t post it on my [Facebook] wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.” I began to think of all of the billions of intimate exchanges sent daily via fingers and screens, bouncing between satellites and servers. With all this texting, e-mailing, and social networking, I started wondering, are we all becoming so in touch with one another that we are in danger of losing touch?

It used to be that boy met girl and they exchanged phone numbers. Anticipation built. They imagined the entire relationship before a call ever happened. The phone rang. Hearts pounded. “Hello?” Followed by a conversation that lasted two hours but felt like two minutes and would be examined with friends for two weeks. If all went well, a date was arranged. That was then.

Now we exchange numbers but text instead of calling because it mitigates the risks of early failure and eliminates those deafening moments of silence. Now anticipation builds. Bdoop. “It was NICE meeting u.” Both sides overanalyze every word. We talk to a friend, an impromptu Cyrano: “He wrote nice in all caps. What does that mean? What do I write back?” Then we write a response and delete it 10 times before sending a message that will appear 2 care, but not 2 much. If all goes well, a date will be arranged.

Whether you like it or not, the digital age has produced a new format for modern romance, and natural selection may be favoring the quick-thumbed quip peddler over the confident, ice-breaking alpha male. Or maybe we are hiding behind the cloak of digital text and spell-check to present superior versions of ourselves while using these less intimate forms of communication to accelerate the courting process. So what’s it really good for?

There is some argument about who actually invented text messaging, but I think it’s safe to say it was a man. Multiple studies have shown that the average man uses about half as many words per day as women, thus text messaging. It eliminates hellos and goodbyes and cuts right to the chase. Now, if that’s not male behavior, I don’t know what is. It’s also great for passing notes. There is something fun about sharing secrets with your date while in the company of others. Think of texting as a modern whisper in your lover’s ear.

Sending sweet nothings on Twitter or Facebook is also fun. In some ways, it’s no different than sending flowers to the office: You are declaring your love for everyone to see. Who doesn’t like to be publicly adored? Just remember that what you post is out there and there’s some stuff you can’t unsee.

But the reality is that we communicate with every part of our being, and there are times when we must use it all. When someone needs us, he or she needs all of us. There’s no text that can replace a loving touch when someone we love is hurting.

We haven’t lost romance in the digital age, but we may be neglecting it. In doing so, antiquated art forms are taking on new importance. The power of a handwritten letter is greater than ever. It’s personal and deliberate and means more than an e-mail or text ever will. It has a unique scent. It requires deciphering. But, most important, it’s flawed. There are errors in handwriting, punctuation, grammar, and spelling that show our vulnerability. And vulnerability is the essence of romance. It’s the art of being uncalculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say, “This is me, and I’m interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more important, all that I am not.”

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Oddly enough, the most interesting article I’ve read all week is one written by Ashton Kutcher.

-Broken car transmission.  Costs over $5k to fix.  -____-

-Fell on my right shin, so it’s swollen and bruised.

-Iced said shin, used a crummy icepack that somehow burned me through the cloth sleeve that it came with.  Hooray for urgent care and antibiotics.  Now instead of a bruised and swollen shin, it’s now burned, blistering, swollen and bruised.  And it looks gross.  Yay.

-Unable to sleep peacefully due to shin burn.  Burns sting like no other.  

Can the week get better now?  I’d really appreciate it, I’m dying here, damn it.